Who am I?

Who am I? Who are you? It's late, and I'm tired, but I'm up trying to re-organize my crap, I mean craft, area so I'm left alone to my thoughts. Dangerous! I was thinking about how I often hear women talk about how they've lost sight of who they used to be. They don't know "who" they are anymore. Identity crises all around! And then I started thinking about my own life and "who" I used to be and "who" I am now. "Used to be" is relative, of course, depending on the stage we're at in life. For me, at this point in time, "used to be" is pre-kids, pre-marriage, HIGH SCHOOL. Really? Do I need to miss that? Hell no! Honestly, the thought of being in high school again makes me want to gag. 'Nuff said.

Which brings us to pre-marriage. Now, for me, the time elapsed between HS and marriage was...brief. I was 19 when I got married. To be honest, I had no freaking clue what I was doing. I was in la-la land. I got lucky, though! I snagged a great guy, and we match together.

I guess one could say that I also became a mom at 19, as my husbubble already had a four-year-old. As with many joint-custody situations, we had him only on the weekends, so I was still childless much of the time. I was loving life as a newlywed!

Two years later I popped out my first kid. WOW. I became a mother! MAJOR shift in "who" I was. But a shift for the absolute best, without a doubt! Four years and another child later, I still bare the "mom" stamp, but that is something that will be with me for eternity. I love (total understatement) being a mom, and that title largely defines me, but it's not ALL of me.

The majority of "me" is someone who totes and taxis kids everywhere I go, someone who *tries* to maintain a cohesive household, but unfortunately chaos takes over WAY more often than I'd like to admit, and someone that gets sucked into the regular "mom" routine. But underneath all of that, I am still the shy, yet outgoing, person I have always been. I still love to smile and be happy, but feel sorrow and sadness from time to time. I still like to hang out with my girlfriends and go on dates with my honey. But in addition to that, I've developed some new defining characteristics. Well, they don't define me yet, but I hope they do someday! I've learned that I love to serve those around me. I try so hard to be mindful of others needs, and fill them when I can, though I'm not the greatest at it. I have been so blessed to have people in my life that lift me up when I'm down, so I try to do what I can to give that same pick-me-up when I see it's needed. TRY, is the key word in all of those statements. I've also learned that I love to share my faith and beliefs, especially with those that don't know much about them. That's kind of a big change for me, because who I used to be was afraid to share those things out of fear of criticism, belittlement, etc. Sharing made me feel vulnerable and awkward. Now it just feels good.

I guess what I've surmised is that we are never going to be who we "used" to be. How freakin' boring would that be? We're constantly morphing with the ebb and flow of life. (Ahhh, doesn't that sound poetic? Ha!)

So now, the next time I find myself on the verge of a nervous breakdown (like maybe tomorrow, or the next day, or next month/year...) because I don't know what in the world I'm supposed to be doing with myself, I'm going to come back and read this post.

The end.